Belgium (Brussels Morning Newspaper) – The effort to maintain equilibrium between two cultures within an intercultural relationship proves challenging to the point of being nearly untenable. Director Loula Burnus describes her experiences with an Egyptian relationship during her Cairo residency through documentary work.
Belgian director Loula Burnus recounts her relationship with an Egyptian musician who separated because of cultural variations, together with practical obstacles. During a film workshop in Cairo, the pair discovered their shared artistic passion, which became the basis of their meeting.
The relationship encountered major problems because the visa restrictions stopped her partner from travelling to Belgium, and there were differences between their personal choices.
“I could come and go as I pleased, he did not have that freedom,”
Loula stated. The pair endured their love relationship until the large cultural disparities and navigation issues created too much strain to stay together.
When filmmaker Loula Burnus travels to Egypt for a few months to learn Arabic, she falls in love.
“He was a musician, I was a filmmaker,”
Says Loula.
“We took part in a film workshop, the artistic side brought us together. We were fans of the same artists, the click was just there.”
The two start a relationship. During her stay in Egypt, the couple lives very closely together, but that also involves a farewell every time:
“When I had to return to Belgium, the farewell was heartbreaking,”
Loula reflects.
“He could never come along or visit, because he couldn’t get a visa. In Egypt, you have to be able to show your pay slips to get one and he is a freelancer.”
“I could come and go as I pleased, he could only wait for me to return and that weighed heavily on both of us. We found no peace when we were apart, but also not in our future together. We really loved each other, but it was too difficult and the relationship suddenly seemed illogical.”
“Because of the history of colonization, my former partner had an aversion to Europe, and therefore also to Europeans. Sometimes he found it difficult that a Western European walked into his living room, while he knew very well that I was not a colonist, but simply Loula.”
Many people in the Middle East still feel inferior, according to Loula, because the worldview dictates that to them.
“Europe is seen as superior, which makes people believe that too.”
She also notices this among the rest of the population, albeit less extreme.
“They use the fact that I am Western European as an explanation for things that I do that they find a bit strange. They don’t mean it offensively or reproachfully, but I often took it personally.”
At such moments, communication is important, Loula believes.
“We chatted a lot, also about things that are normally taken for granted in a relationship. In an intercultural relationship, such things become bigger.”
Language itself was such a subject for them. She had only basic knowledge of Arabic, he had a strong opinion about English.
“The richer population in Egypt is anglicizing, which means that they have less and less command of Arabic. He had difficulty with that and spoke English with me, but found it difficult that he could not speak Arabic with his partner,”
Says Loula.
Loula herself finds Egyptian culture very interesting, but she didn’t want to live there full-time at the time.
“He wanted to make it as an artist in Egypt. If we wanted to stay together, I knew it would be in Egypt. I didn’t want to change his plans, but I also didn’t want to completely change my plans to fit his.”
A difficult balance to find, she admits.
“I wanted to feel respected in my cultural identity, but what was that identity for me? After a while I started to doubt that myself and had trouble with my own identity. Did I change it for my partner or for myself? Did I want to? I had many questions, few answers,”
She says.
It is this search for a balance between 2 cultures and people that Loula finds beautiful.
“You can keep everything in your relationship as neutral as possible, opt for a kind of shared new beginning, but I find cultures and traditions much more beautiful.”
“It’s hard at first, but if you keep going for it, you’ll keep growing together,”
Says Loula.
“If both people in a relationship are open to both cultures, I’m willing to believe that the phase where cultures hinder each other will pass.”
“When you fall in love with a person who grew up in a different culture, you partly fall in love with that culture,”
Says intercultural relationship therapist Liesl Heirwegh.
“A person’s culture always plays a role in a relationship, you can’t separate it.”
That is why it is important that you also get to know that culture, beforehand or gradually.
“Love is shown differently in different cultures, anger and intimacy for example. If you do not know how that happens, it can be a stumbling block, especially if there is also a language barrier,”
Heirwegh knows.
However, you can overcome that language barrier.
“If you are in good contact with your partner, you can search for and find solutions together, and make such a relationship work. Is the language in your way? Then pay extra attention to non-verbal communication. Put a hand on your partner’s leg, look each other in the eyes. Reassure each other that you are there and are trying to understand,”
Says Heirwegh.
Moreover, the basis is still the love you feel for each other, says Heirwegh.
“You just have to pay more attention to the differences in vision in order to understand each other better. If you are on the same wavelength as your partner, both people can feel good in such an intercultural relationship. Then interaction with the family that comes with it is also a bit easier.”
So yes, intercultural relationships are more difficult, Heirwegh confirms.
“The cultural differences are on top of other possible problems, but just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it can’t work. You get to know the world a little better through the eyes of the person you love.”
And that creates beautiful connections, between people and between cultures.
“Such relationships also ensure that people with a different culture will feel more accepted. They show society that barriers can be shifted. If you can grow through your issues as a couple, I believe that is possible, that is the most beautiful thing there is.”
What is the history behind Loula Burnus’ intercultural relationship story?
Belgian filmmaker Loula Burnus experienced the complexities of cultural romantic relationships when connecting with an Egyptian musician due to difficulties Western Europe faces when uniting with the Middle East. The 11.7 million inhabitants of Belgium live in a culturally diverse environment yet mixed-culture partnerships experience distinct obstacles.
Intercultural marriages constitute about 20% of all unions in Belgium, according to national statistics, which demonstrates the country’s cultural diversity. Such relationships frequently encounter numerous logistical problems because of visa challenges. The inability of Loula’s partner to obtain a visa because of freelance work caused problems in their relationship.
